Need help - overweight adult daughter

[burgster]

I need advice. My 24 year old married daughter has gained an unbelievable amount of weight in the last 3 years. She is my height and I'd say she is at least 25 lbs heavier than me (and I'm not thin by any means) which would make her about 185 lbs. All through high school she was an athlete... very thin... and very beautiful. The first two years of college were fine but she started gaining in her junior year of college. She recently got married and every time I see her, she is bigger.
I fear that she will soon be pregnant and adding on a lot more weight. It hurts me to see her like this. While she is of course still a beautiful person, I can't help remembering what a knockout she was before the weight gain.
I want to say something to her but I don't know how to approach it. I know it will hurt her feelings and maybe even damage our relationship which is very good. I'm open to suggestions.

[Kind Lampshade Maker]

I need advice. My 24 year old married daughter has gained an unbelievable amount of weight in the last 3 years. She is my height and I'd say she is at least 25 lbs heavier than me (and I'm not thin by any means) which would make her about 185 lbs. All through high school she was an athlete... very thin... and very beautiful. The first two years of college were fine but she started gaining in her junior year of college. She recently got married and every time I see her, she is bigger.
I fear that she will soon be pregnant and adding on a lot more weight. It hurts me to see her like this. While she is of course still a beautiful person, I can't help remembering what a knockout she was before the weight gain.
I want to say something to her but I don't know how to approach it. I know it will hurt her feelings and maybe even damage our relationship which is very good. I'm open to suggestions.
They ought to tag some message on every, well almost every, wedding dress that states: Marriage can be hazardous to your health!

[Georgie]

Well about the only things I can suggest are the obvious ones. Exercise and watch what she eats. Stay away from sugar and stuff like that. Try to drink water mostly because even juices in the store have sugar in them. Of course if you buy natural organic juices, then thats a whole different story. Eat more fruits and veggies. Once again, exercise and keep doing it.

[MOMUS]

He wants advice on talking to her, not feeding her.



Well about the only things I can suggest are the obvious ones. Exercise and watch what she eats. Stay away from sugar and stuff like that. Try to drink water mostly because even juices in the store have sugar in them. Of course if you buy natural organic juices, then thats a whole different story. Eat more fruits and veggies. Once again, exercise and keep doing it.

[Georgie]

He wants advice on talking to her, not feeding her.

Doh. Sorry. I should read posts more thoroughly lol.

[MOMUS]

You know that she is keenly aware of the weight gain too. More than you. I don't know how open and easygoing your relationship is with her so I can only generalize. It's understandable that you dread a scene and fear that she will react from anger and shame. Tough it out, maybe she blows up at you, you can take it. You apologize then and she forgives you. Most children, adults too, appreciate a demonstration of concern and value well meant advice, whether it is followed or not. Often they hope someone will break the silence.
Has she seen a doctor? It might soften the sting to approach it as a medical concern. Just tell her that you are worried for her and want to help. She has to do the work herself in the end.
Since she was formerly trim and she is only 24 she might easily change her habits and shed it fast. Is she sedentary? A TV watching housewife? Does she work?
Is her husband fat? Is it possible that he likes/wants her fat? Some men feel less anxious and jealous if the wife is less attractive to other men.
Did ancestors go quickly to fat?
I know several formerly obese folks at work and they all seem to be happier people.

[J._Stiller&Anne_Mara]

Well, I can only speak about my ollady. She used to have a figure before I knocked her up. When they’re pregnant, they pig out anyway or at least they’re supposed to.
She’s still a pig which is more normal than when they pig out before pregnancy.
This might be the usual case of keeping thin in order to attract a man and pigging out when she’s got him hooked.
Women don’t like guys getting personal about their appearance and/or hygiene. Fat people stink anyway, so you could sort of group the 2 together.
A father can approach this subject much easier than a husband. If she was always thin since birth, the weight problem is in her HEAD.
If the parents stuffed the kid with junk food, candy, pop and buttered popcorn, it’s more than likely she’ll grow up a pig and stay that way. This, more than often, leads to a catastrophical cardiac fate later in life, especially around menopause time when the estrogen runs out.
There are several possibilities for a rool back.
1- Send her off to India for a year
2- Talk her into getting her HEAD done at a shrink
3- Divorce- if she gets thin again, as a result, she’ll be a pig ready to explode when the next chump comes her way :(

[Bonnie P.]

If the weight gain is sudden, rapid and uncharacteristic, it could be a health problem. I'd suggest to her that she should see a doctor and get her thyroid gland checked out.

[Der Henker]

Two possibilities come to mind:

Women often eat emotionally. Is it possible that she is unhappy in her marriage and is packing on the pounds by consoling herself with ice cream and the like? Any other major life changes that coincide chronologically with her weight gain? Perhaps a new job that she may find stressful, etc.? Don't just ask about her weight. Ask if anything has been bothering her lately or if she has been 'stressed out.' If so, ask her what she does to make herself feel better and she may come right out and tell you that she is consoling herself with food.

Other possibility: oral contraceptives. Some women gain a lot of weight on them regardless of dietary considerations. The weight gain can be enough that people will ask her if she is pregnant.

[Rob Roy MacGregor]

America is the fattest country in the world, and NOT by accident. Get some of Dr. Atkins books. Not necessarily for the diet info, but for the whistle blowing he does on the FDA, the fast food, and the grocery industry.

My wife started the Atkin's diet and we were both amazed at how the corporate elite has SPIKED our food with sugars, MSGs, and all sorts of other shit just to make food ADDICTIVE, and to alter the insulin levels in humans to make them fat and unhealthy.

The sad truth is, if you want to eat healthy, you have to grow, hunt, fish, and prepare you're own food from scratch.

Think about it.. Were people this heavy 100 years ago?

Start at Google.Com and Happy Hunting!

[2TonicNight]

America is the fattest country in the world, and NOT by accident. Get some of Dr. Atkins books. Not necessarily for the diet info, but for the whistle blowing he does on the FDA, the fast food, and the grocery industry.

My wife started the Atkin's diet and we were both amazed at how the corporate elite has SPIKED our food with sugars, MSGs, and all sorts of other shit just to make food ADDICTIVE, and to alter the insulin levels in humans to make them fat and unhealthy.

The sad truth is, if you want to eat healthy, you have to grow, hunt, fish, and prepare you're own food from scratch.

Think about it.. Were people this heavy 100 years ago?

Start at Google.Com and Happy Hunting!

Totally true man. THe crap the average American eats is effing unbelievable.
I look at some of my co-workers, soda, fast food, candy bars, more soda.

A lot of stuff people eat nowadays is hardly fit for human consumption.

Stay away from the stuff. And if you don't drink super mondo organic lefty goo goo juice, then just drink filtered water. Try to join a co-op in your area that sells organic food. The shit they do with fertilizer today is downright scary.

Let the lemmings eat crap, WN's must be healthy, lean and energetic.

[Kind Lampshade Maker]

Call a spade a spade tell her that she is fat. Shock her with it and then offer to help her to lose the weight. You are doing more harm then good by beating around the bush. People only change when they become disgusted with thier situation.
True. When the ball is tossed into her court, the responsibility becomes hers and you've done your job.

........
Other possibility: oral contraceptives. Some women gain a lot of weight on them regardless of dietary considerations. The weight gain can be enough that people will ask her if she is pregnant.
I always thought those pills only caused water retention :confused: . Anyways, pregnancy is the surest method of contraception ;)

[Der Henker]

I always thought those pills only caused water retention :confused: . Anyways, pregnancy is the surest method of contraception ;)Oral contraceptives are a combination of synthetic estrogen and progesterone and work by "convincing" a woman's body that it is already pregnant. Some forms of oral contraceptives are progesterone only. Estrogen is known to increase the rate of fat deposition and increase water retention. (http://www.wdxcyber.com/ncontr11.htm) Both lead to weight gain. Individual responses, like those to any medication, can vary greatly. I've seen several women blow up like balloons on them and have heard more anecdotal reports of the same.

[Mike Mazzone of Palatine]

http://www.seekwellness.com/weight/understanding_adult_obesity.htm

Here is some useful information that explains adult weight problems.
http://www.seekwellness.com/images/bmi.jpg
I'm 5'11'' and weigh 185 lbs., but I've actually had some people tell me I'm too skinny even when I just dropped to 200 lbs. although according to this chart and others similar to it, I am at the high range of a healthy weight. In fact, even if I had dropped to 140I still would be at a healthy weight. I remember when I weighed 280 a couple years ago, and I must say I feel a hell of a lot better now!

This is a pretty good guideline to follow, although read the site and you'll see that:
Health care providers are concerned not only with how much fat a person has, but also where the fat is located on the body. Women typically collect fat in their hips and buttocks, giving them a "pear" shape. Men usually build up fat around their bellies, giving them more of an "apple" shape. Of course some men are pear-shaped and some women become apple-shaped, especially after menopause. If you carry fat mainly around your waist, you are more likely to develop obesity-related health problems. Women with a waist measurement of more than 35 inches or men with a waist measurement of more than 40 inches have a higher health risk because of their fat distribution.
Well my waist is 38 inches, although I can easily fit into 32-inch relaxed fit jeans, which goes to show how the clothing industry likes to lie to you.

[Kind Lampshade Maker]

........"convincing" a woman's body that it is already pregnant....
Have you ever thought about calling yourself Dr. Henker?

[Der Henker]

Have you ever thought about calling yourself Dr. Henker?
No, but in some circles (http://www.nnnforum.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=8440#) I'm referred to as Dr. Sickle Cell ;)

[Adamic Man]

Yes, Atkins is unhealthy, also. I predicted to a co-worker when he announced he was going on it that he could expect kidney stones. Every day he was eating processed, chemicalized deli meat - NOT fresh-killed healthy organic meats. One day he sheepishly pulled a small container out of his pocket and showed me the kidney stone he had pissed out that morning. (It was a small capsule with a screen that you piss thru to catch any stones)

Yeah, he lost weight, but at the price of calcification in the body - and if its not calcified kidney stones, then it will be other calcification, i.e. arthritis, gout, etc.




-AM