Full Thread: How to Be
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Old April 5th, 2012 #2
Alex Linder
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1. (w) don't lock your face in an expression (rictus) of surprise. first, it will freeze that way over time; second, it's called composure. look into it. the most poised people i have ever met were former professional ice skaters. there's something to be said for women, particularly, who can master their emotions and keep themselves composed. not an easy thing to do for any of us, but impressive when seen.

2. don't come up to the cash register and then stare at the cashier like a bollixed water buffalo when she seems to expect you to transfer her something pecuniary...and then you-get-it! dig in your ugly purse for your checkbook. enough of you special-needs store-visitors. dig it, ponygirls: if you want to purchase goods, you have to give them money...every single time! no, i'm not kidding. they never just let you walk out. knowing this, plan ahead.

3. when you commit to murdering people, don't call your helper fifty times before/after the deed is done. a corollary is, don't take the exact amount out of your ATM your hired killer needs to buy his special equipment the day or two before the dirty deed. just basic common sense, people.

If you ever wonder, as I do, if people are faking being as oblivious as they appear to be, the show The First 48, and the other murder shows, will relieve you: they are. The amount of planning that goes into even the average white murder is astonishingly small, given the stakes.

Last edited by Alex Linder; April 5th, 2012 at 09:25 PM.