View Single Post
Old September 22nd, 2017 #7
John Smithwick
A White ethnic group too
 
John Smithwick's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Crackertown, down yonder in a honkey home, away from Multicultia :)
Posts: 142
Blog Entries: 3
Default Eve of the Rapture

Everyone, this being the eve of the Rapture, I feel it incumbent upon me to inform you of the following good news.

The good news is that I have been blessed to receive divine revelation about this holy event. Now, in terms of evidence, there was no voice booming out of the invisible, aside from my own inner voice, which I, nonetheless, humbly interpret as a conduit for the voice of god/the trinity.

So, without further delay, what was this good news - you ask? Answer: with only a slight shadow of doubt, the Rapture will proceed tomorrow as scheduled; however, there is some bad news.

The bad news is, unfortunately, only those in my 45,001st denomination will be ushered up into the Kingdom of Heaven at midnight tonight. The rest of you poor souls will have to endure the 7 Years War where roughly 1/3 of you will very quickly be obliterated and sent into the Hell Fires, and the rest may have the same fate.

I am so very regretful to have been the one specially chosen to have to inform you of this bad news. I can only imagine how disappointed you may be, in terms of its ramifications; nevertheless, there is a silver lining to this dark cloud. For a mere $10, you may join my congregation (with a mere 10% tithing fee thereafter (in the ever-so-slight possibility that the onset of the Rapture is delayed)).

Now, I have yet to set-up the online website for you to register to deposit your $10 fee with 10% tithing contribution to receive your official membership. However, I expect to have completed this divine task by about a minute to midnight tonight, so you'll still have time.

Onward and upwards!
-John Smithwick (prophet of the Rapture)



Please bear in mind, I was 'in no way' attempting to be facetious, sarcastic, or deceitful about the above message. Thank you. lol
__________________
True diversity is preserving all ethnic groups. We ought to have community centers for us, to have closure for our history, celebrate our heritage & look to the future. National Folk Faith AFA CT :)

Last edited by John Smithwick; September 23rd, 2017 at 08:18 AM.