Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!
I just want ya'll to know that at a minute to midnight yesterday I prayed to the Lord to spare us, and His voice boomed out of the invisible this time (although I neglected to have the camcorder going for this crazy "evidence" ya'll seek), and said: "John, I will delay the Rapture this year until around the same time next year. I will postpone it again next year, if, IF ... you get your membership up to 5000 by then!"
So there you have it Brothers and Sisters, let us rejoice!
I expect every one of you to pester every single last family member and friend to save their souls by joining the one true Christian denomination!
Emily, let me tell you that the Lord works in mysterious ways, and I promise you in due course, you'll get your
30 dollar once you initiate your
hollllyyyy membership!
Alan, it's especially good news for you, as you'll have some more time to tie-down ol' Keira Knightley for next year's Rapture!
Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!
Amen!
In the meantime, if ya'll need some soul food, let me direct you to the denomination I broke away from to start this new mission: the Landover Baptist Church lol:
I'll let the choir take us home: