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Old January 17th, 2019 #36
Longbaugh
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Originally Posted by Jeffrey Smither View Post
Not only that but low class whites as well these days. At least here in Floriduh you can't even go to sit down places and get a good meal very often. The cooking is very inconsistent each visit. The last few years food quality and cooking quality has gone down everywhere. I guess cost cutting. Buy cheaper quality meats and pay cheap.
Jeffrey, let me tell you a thing or two about restaurant dining:

I have been up here in New Hampshire for going on five years--like a fucking retard, came up from Floriduh--and, let me assure you, you don't know what bad food is until you've lived up here. These stuffy motherfuckers absolutely do not know how food is supposed to taste. I WISH I was back down there just for the damn food!

I swear to motherfucking god, if one more person serves me some shit seasoned with Old Bay while wearing a smile on his face, I goddamn swear I'm going to draw my .45 while I'm still seated, and empty a motherfucking magazine into his motherfucking pelvis from under the motherfucking table.

That's how motherfucking bad the motherfucking food is in motherfucking New Hampshire: I'm completely willing, at this point, to invite the death penalty by Han Soloing some croaky voiced, New England Greedo over the shit they try to pass off as food up here.

Count your lucky stars that you've got Sonny's franchises all over your state.

All the inbreeding of English peasants up here has rendered these people's tastebuds useless.

What I would give for a Der Dutchman buffet right about now...

Shit, even a place that knows how to fry up a decent catfish would be an improvement.

Or some chinks that know how to cook their own, motherfucking chink food. The motherfucking chinks up here can't even cook the motherfucking chink food they grew up eating so that it has any motherfucking flavour.

There's one, decent Mexican restaurant within about a hundred mile radius. One...

I've got to drive nearly two goddamn hours to get a motherfucking Chick-fil-A.

All the motherfucking greenhouse farms they've got up here--and these shits brag about it all the goddamn time, too--and I still can't get a goddamn tomato with any goddamn flavour unless it's shipped in from the South or Meh-hee-co.

And let me tell you about the goddamned watermelons: They're eight goddamn bucks at the expensive as shit, motherfucking, grocery store and, I shit you not, the big ones are the size of a goddamn volleyball. What the fuck am I supposed to do with a goddamn watermelon the goddamn size of a goddamn volleyball? Decorate one, single, tropical, fucking drink? And these idiots really think they've got something, come summertime. Sheesh! On top of it all, they've got no goddamn flavour. No goddamn flavour at all.

I tell these stuffed suits all the time that, down in Florida where we know what produce is supposed to taste like, the watermelons are the size of fire hydrants, and they're three bucks a pop, out of the trunk of some Mexican's car in just about every goddam K-mart parking lot in the state, or every five to 10 miles or so along the goddamn highway.

You may think you've got it bad, but you don't know, man... You don't know how good you've got it... You just don't.

I am not well liked up here.

I think it has to do with how frequently I say, "nigger" and "faggot".

Goddamn, this state is absolutely chocked full of faggots who love niggers.

I need a coconut.
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Last edited by Longbaugh; January 17th, 2019 at 07:57 PM.