[Alex Linder]

Originally Posted by Fenria

My niece's name is Madison, which I find completely haughty and pretentious.

It's not haughty, it's merely ridiculous. I would love to know what brought that name into vogue, almost surely it was some actress on a soap or something. Then you have your 'Addison' and then 1001 misspelled-variations on these ridiculous names. This is purely low- or even sometimes middle-class people thinking they're giving their kids an upper-class name.

Thankfully, her's is the only uppity name in the family. My son's name is Erik. Easy to say, never goes out of style, can't be teased for it, reflects family ancestry. Good enough!

Yep, my brother's named Eric. And sister is named Kristin. But we don't have a drop of Scandinavian blood. My dad for some reason liked Russian names and might have named me Alexei, but my mom put her foot down. He also liked August. But to me August smacks of a big fat green worm (1) and Augustus Gloop (2). August is a legitimate name, but probably better reserved for Germans. So I'm named Alex, not Alexander. In fact, in technical terms, Alex is not even a real name. But per the need to make the sounds flow correctly, Alex Linder flows better than Alexander Linder. But then again, Alex Linder doesn't flow all that well because the 'ks' sounds slides into the 'l.' Linder is a simple, nice name, in that it's easy to spell right, but a surprisingly large number of first names don't go with it. I personally think Otto Linder sounds great. Simple, ethnic, solid as hell. Same with Heidi.

I'm a least a little unconventional, I think, and I'm telling you people who respect my opinion, that names are not where you want to try to differentiate yourself from others. Names are something you follow convention. Same with wedding vows. Watch those cable shows where people write their own vows. God, they sound dumb. The audience of course is too tasteless to figure it out, since they're the same kind of people, but it really is bad. There's a time to stamp fresh tracks, and there's a time to follow convention. Names and wedding vows are times to follow convention.

As I always say to people I talk to who are insecure, like women who worry about looks...trust your material. Your kid doesn't need some fucking extraneous Y to make him "unusual." He doesn't need some fucking name you misspell out of a hazy memory of the label on some upper-end coffee grinder, he just needs a fucking name that's A GODDAM NAME.

The great Oz has spoken. Do not ignore the man behind this screen!

Y'all are free to go back to your perversions, you sick fucks.

BTW, I hate the name Cameron. It is head-shaking bad for a boy, and it is precious-sickly for a girl. Let's leave it a perfectly acceptable surname.

And that goes for Jacob too. Jacob is a huckster-christian-class bible name used by parents dream one day their little tyke be able to swindle his way to richness like a jewish bible hero.

My son's pre school class was full to the brim with Haydens Jaydens Kaydens and Zadens, one Nevaeh and one Luna. My dental assisting class consisted of a Mckenna and a Mackenzie, both female. Oh yeah, and don't forget Xschell, who has the unfortunate task of telling people how to pronounce her name for the entirety of her life. Thanks, mom and dad!

Anything with -den on the end should be run from. As should shit names like 'Jenna' that are evasions of real names like 'Jennifer' and sound like they were concocted by that computer used to concoct new car labels.

I remember a boy named Brock dating a girl named Elta. They looked like brother and sister.

Brock is intolerable. No one should have a name that sounds like an obnoxious noise made by a minor bird.

Sound is important, very important. I'm not sure it's not most important. But no one hears this.

Love the story from this one nurse I worked with about a Mexican mother who, while in labor decided on the gem, Placentia, for her newborn daughter.

She was probably eating the placenta when she thought of it, and in her Mexican way was like, this is really sweet, so I'll name her after it so she'll be sweet too. Ate it like a cat.

The theory that mexicans are human is laughed at by scientists in private.

My husband's grandmother was named Urdis, but that's oldschool Norway and those are the names people were given. Still, I always laugh when he tells the story about how he tried to show grandma Urdis, who apparently looked like a Dogue de Bordeaux, how far he could throw a stone and mistakenly threw it right on top of her head. He ran into the forest so fast, there were literal puffs of smoke behind him.

My grandparents, Missouri side, were name Oran and Merle. There seems to have been a vogue among country people for French type names back then. There are Pearls and Burles (sp?). And Juanitas that aren't Mexican. My father was a twin. My grandparents held a name the twins contest. They ended up naming them Melvin Gene and Marvin Dean. How about that. Guess what they both go by: Gene and Dean, of course. Those are pretty typical fifties names you don't see much anymore. Melvin is unspeakable, of course. Marvin is maybe 1% better. They're names, legitimate names, but they're not good names.